Lucid Dreams

February 27th, 2011. 3:58am:

I don't understand this obsession I have with burning. I see it in me and in others but this is by far one of the most terrible dreams I have had and its not because its about me dying like it usually is but someone that shouldn't be dying because of me.

I remember standing in line before another "judge" again. The men that are standing beside me are all older than I am. We're all shackled. I look at these men and their countenances are all crazed and remorseless. They look indifferent to what is happening. Suddenly the person sitting up on the stand calls me by name and he asks me why I should live.

I tell him I've got no reason to give. I tell him that can't explain why I'm there but that I shouldn't be among these men. He shakes his head at me as I try to plead with him some more. Instead he turns to point behind me and I turn to face the darkness behind me, I see people there looking at me with anger and disgust. I'm stricken with panic and being to shake uncontrollably.

And that is when I hear children around me. I hear children crying. I open my eyes to look for them and I see a few at first but then I see more and more coming towards me. They are all burned, all those kids and all of them are crying. They reach with their little arms and hands and they pull me from all sides. I can't do anything but watch. I begin to cry and I tell them that I'm so sorry, so sorry that they're in so much pain. I fall to my knees with them but now they scream more loudly and I cringe at the sound.

A moment later, I open my eyes again to see them all burning again while I burn with them also. Then I woke up.

Stoic

I can't shake the thought of being inside a court room.

It feels as if you are inside a church instead...

With people lowering their voices, the sound almost inaudible,

while a pretense god sits in the middle, black garb and

hammer in hand. The prosecutors are all armed with your

life laid down on paper and a menacing glance.

And us, the "defendants", like the heretics of old waiting in

line for execution. And what else was there?

Ah yes, the supposed counselor and guards. One acts with

self-imposed eminence while the other two pretend to

serve a meaningless work with just as much conceit.

You keep looking a the pulpit and you

wonder what will happen next.

You look back and you feel the rest

staring at you with rebuke.

I glance quickly out the window and see

children play outside, free of worry and guilt.

"And so I went through that window

And the tower of hell and the great

serpentines of the highest order

...Prepared in innocence to meet our king of glory

You have it in your secret windows

And you're understanding to understand it

and to bring it forth

It takes minute detail

It takes a holy life

It takes emotions

It takes dedication

It takes dedication

It takes a death

And only god can allow it

And you couldn't do it if you're not the seed of god

And when you penetrate to the most high god

You will believe you are mad

You will believe you've gone insane

But I tell you, if you follow the secret window

And you die to the ego nature

You will penetrate this darkness.

Oh yes, there's many a man or woman

That's been put in the insane asylum

When this has happened to them

And they're sitting there today, people think they're insane

But they saw something that's real

And they see it when they're on drugs

The only thing is they see it

Not through the light of god, and the way I show you

I show you to see it through the light of god

And the understanding of god

Because when you see the face of God you will die

And there will be nothing left of you..."

I deserve all this and what is to come.