Tuesday, January 25, 2011

ingenting hos mig

They used to say that Home is where the heart is

But now, broken is the norm and the only medication

is the drugs, its the cigarettes and its the drink.


There was a Home once, marvelous and wonderful it was.

What used to be an everyday smile, now turned to daily

shame. Feeling worthless and defeated... with no more

blood in open wounds but rather poison flowing through.


No more pride, no more self-respect.

What have I become? Haunted. Scared. Manic Apoplectic.

And it saddens me to know that no matter what I do,

I will forever be the same... and there's no end in sight.


The reflection is no longer of myself and yet I

keep staring. I'm disgusted with my life and myself...

and yet, I'm not unhappy about that.


I wrapped myself with stubborn pride one October of 2009.

I lost my soul in that October of 2009.

I lost my will to go on shortly after that.

I fell asleep and woke up in a nightmare afterwards.


Slowly dissipating with every passing day while remembering

those laughing days, those moments of genuine care and

that longing that was ours.


This life, this man, like an insect crawling in the sand...

yearning for the sound of crashing waves on the horizon.

This life, this man, with a desire to go far away...

Home in sight. Take me home. Welcome Home. Welcome back.


You were Home. You were Hope and you were Love.

I am Homesick because the only thing that I ever

miss is you. Forgive me.


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